i know some won't agree.
but i know
sometimes
people are better without me.
may be periodic
may be if our roads didn't cross
ever.
just sometimes.
some may have felt like that
at one point
or another.
maybe it crossed the mind
but not there to stay
it's just the down times
sometimes.
- Mood:
with self - Music:gd - redundant
It’s not that we don’t care
We have different notions and expectations.
It’s not our intention to deliberately hide
Somehow we neglect to communicate honestly.
It’s not that we keep secrets
We just overlook openness and the need to tell.
It’s not that we don’t listen
We’re not used to speaking out unconditionally.
It’s not that we like creating problems
But having an intrinsic need for reassurance from others.
It’s not that we don’t trust
We simply need the truth and the heart in it.
It’s not that we can’t let go
We feel vulnerable and seek security.
It’s not that we are half hearted
We struggle to keep things moving forward.
We are way too used to biting our tongues.
Not towards strangers but our closest ones.
Afraid of being judged
Afraid of feeling insignificant
Afraid of not being heard
Afraid of not hearing
Afraid of being told right off
Afraid of being hurt
Afraid of hurting.
If only the lines of communication didn't include
shouting
irritation
bitching
igoring
silence
impatience
twisting of words;
can't we all speak nicely and amicably?
but this is how it's supposed to be.
i'm cursed to live with it.
- Mood:
cynical - Music:dana glover - thinking over
charlotte sadly has no bird, but sometimes is so absurd;
always so afraid of dirt, come on charlotte be alert.
no bagel, how to yeet
who cares about that lil bagel, as long as her hair's got a curl;
enough for others to ogle, now she shall have the last giggle.
where from, jelly belly
you ask why ash's smelly, let's check is she really?
just your nose most likely, don't be such a silly.
irrelevant is u
suddenly matthew mountain dew, loonie beans like you there're too few;
least of problems we have to chew, cos love and laughter's always due.
so let's not be such a nerd,
it's time to give life a swirl,
never say it's too early
to appreciate what's around you.
- Location:home
- Mood:
amused
not too long after, you smile down from above.
Here and now, from you we hear no sound,
but here forth, all the more we learn to love.
And in our hearts, you’ll always be found.
- Mood:
indescribable
where do you come from?
when does it matter to you?
why does it matter to you?
which way is it going?
how should it feel to you?
these are but questions... not to be answered.
words are just words... not to be taken seriously.
so then
when should questions be asked?
which words are to be trusted?
love.
what is?
smile an ever lasting smile
a smile can bring you near to me
don't ever let me find you gone
'cause that would bring a tear to me
this world has lost its glory
let's start a brand new story
now my love
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say
it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away
talk in ever lasting words
and dedicate them all to me
and I will give you all my life
i'm here if you should call to me
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say
it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away
it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away
- Mood:
contemplative
The sun shining brightly outside
I’m unable to feel it on my skin
But this time around
I’m feeling the warmth under.
The day’s sneaking secretly by
Not everything goes as we plan to be
But at least this time
We’re learning to appreciate.
Rare are the times
We tend to value
The life we chose
The hours we have
The people around
The love and care
The joy and pain
The simple things
which are supposed to mean
more than we take them for.
- Mood:
loved - Music:Novelle Vague
- Mood:
confused
that at this point
is it a positive or negative.
I'm glad, deep down
whenever you happen
to want to hold my hand.
Without my prompt
without me trying
simply on your own
Somehow I'm starting to be
afraid of showing my feelings
other than that of happiness.
So I'll try my best
to hold back what I am
not supposed to feel.
Now even as I write here
in my private journal
meant for closer friends -
Not even anywhere close
to the show and tell
publicly inclined facebook -
I'm compelled to think
it's wrong to air what i feel
unless it stays within me.
It's on the world wide web
but not for the world,
not like anyone'd bother.
It's more to reach out
to those who are concerned
and wish to know.
I'm not even asking anymore
for your eyes to read or look
it can cease to exist in your mind.
Cos' now I'm already refraining
even a single sms to you
exclaiming my silly fumbles.
Will it be more befitting?
in this manner we will
hopefully stay in happy oblivion.
This is the way it's gonna be
as long as it appeases you
for as long as I can brace.
- Mood: blah
- Music:david cook - avalanche
Through a playful wink
Through holding of the hand
Through an arm around the shoulder
Through a gentle touch on the knee
Through a question of concern
Through an offer of a drink
Through happiness in your voice
Through a warm embrace
Through a simple writing
These may seem insignificant to you
Or perhaps the very norm towards any others
Yet it is what makes my heart smile
Perhaps it could be
Through a simple encouragement
whether written or spoken
Through a peck on the cheek
as we say our hi's or cya's
Through a light kiss on the crown of the head
even if it's out of the blue
Through a quick walk-over for a sec side-hug
even when we're busy with others
Through being accepting
as we try to understand
Through knowing
how my tears rather hide
Through honesty
about anything under the sun
Through not cutting me off
pretending issues will just evaporate
Through acknowledging
who i am and what i am to you
Through letting me know
what we mean
Am i asking too much?
Shouldn't how i feel for you be reserved for just you?
Does it not matter to you if what i feel for you is solely yours to keep?
Are you really not bothered if I feel the same or more for someone else?
I don't know your take
But if what you feel for me is not mine alone
If you can feel for others the way you do about me
And if you believe I should be free to do the same
Then maybe we are not meant to be.
Because
I need a true heart
that is for me and mine to keep
and I want to give my heart
to only one and for that one person to hold.
For this,
it's selfishness
not selflessness I need.
I'm sorry it shouldn't be meant for multiple
All I ask is that one true heart.
Speak to me.
Tell me how your heart feels.
- Mood:
pessimistic - Music:taylor swift - breathe
to remember certain instances
yet forget the effort fused into some.
how do long or short term memories work
when the right in front fades behind
yet the hidden from view shines through.
maybe that's where the difference
between the to do's and
the wanna do's come in.
disappointment sets in
not of you or anyone else
but myself, for even trying.
obviously the heart tells
when without reminder,
somehow it's etched deep.
is it a form of duty?
but it's not responsibility that calls.
maybe the beckoning of a want.
in this instance,
i choose to ignore but
J stood in front of me.
friends help in time of need
friends lend a hand
but where is the line.
what do words mean
why do i still feel
what do you still want.
are your hours that free
or am i that much of a bore
or are you in need of company.
hear my call
i'm here to stay
but only if u want.
why are u searching
for more fillers
with more others.
i know i am not enough
to hold you down
and to lift you up.
but please,
hold me close
or let me drown
on my own
i'm on my own.
- Mood: numb
- Music:david cook - i did it for you
I know
the answers
should have been better planned
but
the logics
should that be above all?
I ponder
the theories
their importance precede
instead of
the wanting
to respect how I feel
I hope
the spoken
can be less confronting
yet
the outcome
always turns in circles
I feel
the twisting
of blame from here to there
while
the pain
sinks deeper within me
I wish
the hurting
could just evaporate
for
the soul
it begs to dissipate
I need
the unsaid
to unveil from us both
the no tell
to unravel itself
I want
the courage
to surrender my mind
and
the heart
to fall straight into you
I know
your presence
It calms me from within
that
your support
is what I only need
when that hug
sincerely means well
while
your heart
purely holds no reproach.
- Mood: rejected
- Music:the fray - never say never
strained
drained
we all are.
why does it feel worse
each time i try
to make things better
lost
tossed
we've been there.
why do i get drilled
for explaining
how i feel inside
give
take
hold my heart
my uselessness at
a specific
that's just how i feel
fear
years
it has been
spiders arent my fav
no specifics.
they make me feel so
smiles
tears
comforted
we get that at times
no one reason.
that makes happiness
Happiness comes in the simplest forms and Sadness is when it hides. Emptiness fills the vacuum. Why do we always have to find that one reason or more to be happy, sad, angry, empty, satisfied, dissatisfied, or anything for that matter? Can we not ever feel just cos we feel? I wish I could explain everything in words but I'm drilled to the point of speechlessness. You're tired of me being tired. I feel tired for you feeling so. Will these have an end or even a diminishing point? Acceptance does seem unwelcomed, but all i need is the one reason, which i can easily choose out of the 3 multiple choice. It just doesn't seem right to trial and error and pick an answer out of those pre-empts.
Why I feel a certain way? Because of certain circumstances. Why does the circumstance make me feel this way? Because it doesn't quite fit with certain principles of mine. Why does it not fit? Because it's beyond my threshold of tolerance. Why do I have that that threshold? Because different people have their own set of limitations. Why can't I change that? Because I'd be rid of my morals, ethics, principles, my heart and ultimately, me. But that said, I'm not rigid and neither do I rule that out because our world evolves and I will too. I'm sure I can be liberated and enlightened. One day, I'd feel that anything is good to go, just as long as words spoken or written seems fine to me. Maybe then my heart will truly be open and free, like how everyone'd be free to roam.
Every individual has different takes to life. There's more to life than that one particular reason. We can't always pinpoint, we can't always wait, we can't always choose the expected route of us. But we can always be free to feel as long as it's deep within us and it doesn't affect anyone else. I'm free to feel.
- Location:the corner tile
- Mood: numb
- Music:taylor swift - you're not sorry
My dear pals, we shall meet at 7.30pm for dinner, and my dear friends, please join all of us around 9ish10 for a round or more of cheers and enjoyment! Look forward to seeing all of you:)
- Mood:
excited - Music:Googoo Dolls - Stay with You
But all around life goes on
Even when you're not moving along
The rest of the world is
You think they may actually feel for you
Yet that's not how it works
You stop and wonder
They notice not whilst enjoying
At that opposite end
You are but a lurking shadow
How did it start?
Where or when will it end?
Wanting to know
Probably the last to find out
Getting ahead of you
They're going ahead without you
Nothing to hold them
Not even you can make them stay
It's no longer the words
It's the scars they leave behind
- Mood: numb
- Music:Candice Alley - Falling
weeks become months
not too long ago,
it was just 5 years ago.
the music starts
tingles flying in mine
fingertips and toes
dancing in the sunlight.
lost seems the spirit
brimming with aspirations
forwarding with positivity
perhaps it has always been.
once lives starts
the ticking goes off
we keep moving along
where's our pause button?
she wants an escape route
he wants another way out
we are all searching
but stillness stares.
find yourself sitting
traveling ahead so fast
the surrounding blurs
leaving traces of light streaks.
moving at high speed
the wind is all you hear
you search deep within wanting
your piece of paradise.
stop.
you whisper under your breath
only to realise
unmoved is where you are.
that faraway rainbow
shines upon hope
captures that smile
temporarily hides the anxiety.
life carries on
rejuvenating or vicious cycle
current and lost aspirations
you and i chase on.
- Location:pluck
- Mood:
working
some are better left unanswered;
and some just have no specific answers to them
- even if we try our hardest, we can't always find the right answers to those endless questions that plaque us...
hope you're feelin better becca:)
- Mood: thoughtful
then...
“I don’t want to let you go”
“Then don’t, I don’t want you to"
“But what if the current sweeps you away?”
“Then help me fight it”
“But I don’t want to fight against it… what if you don’t need me to?”
“But what if I want you to? Maybe the current’s too strong and I need your help to fight against it? So will you let me drift away helplessly, or help me beat it and if impossible, drift away with me?”
now...
will you? or maybe it's easier to let me get drifted...
maybe that's why plus one's never meant to be... it can only be minus one or equals one...
maybe, just maybe i'm just not worth the fight cos it's easier to simply forget...
- Mood: pensive
Please feel free to let go.
You are
Binded not by chains
Certainly not by obligations.
I am
Definitely not asking
Absolutely not holding.
Especially not
when you don’t want it so.
Please not
Just tag along
Cos I want not
To drag you along.
Go on
Declare your love away.
Leave me be,
I never demanded.
Please just save
Those sweet nothings.
I don’t steal
What belongs not to me.
I am but no one.
Just a fallen soul
Not a bright star
Never meant to be.
If there exists
A too much time
With or around me
Please walk away.
Nothing forcing
Nothing compelling
Nothing
To make you stay.
Some say
Three’s a crowd
But in your view
Perhaps two’s too loud.
Boring it may seem
Yet to me
That was and is
Never the case.
To urge thee
I did not, and
Never would.
Go, Retrieve your heaven please.
Share your happiness
Locate your preferences.
Spread your love
To your priorities.
Please if you have to, let go.
Reject but please, don't deny me.
- Mood:cnfusd,crushd,dsppnted,numb
behind the smile
our heart falls
turn for awhile
hear our calls.
we dont seek
constant attention
just a peek
simply a mention.
dont glance past
dont walk away
we ain't dust
it's not okay.
is it not meant to last?
do you mean what you say?
your back is turned too fast.
please don't keep us at bay.
--beloved, for you... for us... and for all... who feels.
- Mood: confused
- Music:dashboard confessional - stolen
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own
I don't know if I'm home
Or if I lost the way into your room
I'm spiraling into my doom
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day
You and I will be free,
To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight
And I know one day you and I will be free
To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
And you touch my hand ever so slightly
(Girl we're not ready for this yet)
And the deadly look she cast upon me
I won't regret, I won't regret
I won't regret. I won't regret...
And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you
I can hardly breathe without you
I was trying to disappear
But I got lost in your eyes now,
You brought me down to size now.
I'm almost alive
And I need you to try and save me.
It's okay that we're dying
But I need to survive tonight, tonight
Tonight...
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
I need to survive tonight, tonight
- Mood: disappointed
- Music:secondhand serenade - half alive
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